Good communication skills are essential. We negotiate daily, it’s not only about when something big is at stake. Excellent book with a lot of tips to digest. The author also has a video course which I plan to do in the near future.
The New Rules
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Tactical empathy: Use empathy to influence the other person’s behavior. Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with the other person, but rather understanding their perspective.
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Negative questions: Use negative questions to encourage the other person to reveal more information. For example, instead of asking “Did you like the proposal?” ask “What didn’t you like about the proposal?”
Be a Mirror
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Accusations and assertions: When the other person accuses or asserts something, mirror their statement to show that you’re listening and to encourage them to continue talking.
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Tone of voice: Mirroring the other person’s tone of voice can help build rapport and establish a connection.
Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It
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Calibrated questions: Use calibrated questions to encourage the other person to reveal more information and to clarify their position. For example, “What about this is important to you?” or “How can I help make this better for us?”
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“I’m sorry” vs “Thank you”: Instead of saying “I’m sorry” when the other person is upset or angry, say “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” This can help defuse tension and shift the focus to finding a solution.
Beware “Yes”—Master “No”
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“No” as protection: The other person may say “no” to protect themselves or their interests. Don’t take it personally, but use it as an opportunity to uncover what they really want.
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Labeling negatives: When the other person says something negative, label it to show that you understand their perspective. For example, “It seems like you’re really frustrated with this situation.”
Bend Their Reality
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Paraphrasing: Use paraphrasing to clarify the other person’s position and to show that you’re listening. For example, “So what you’re saying is that you need more time to consider the proposal, is that right?”
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Ask for help: Ask the other person for help in finding a solution. This can help create a more collaborative negotiation and can also help the other person feel valued.
Guarantee Execution
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“No” vs “How”: Instead of saying “no” to a request, ask “how” you can make it happen. This can help shift the focus to finding a solution and can also help build trust.
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Summarize emotions: In addition to summarizing the key points of the negotiation, summarize the other person’s emotions to show that you understand their perspective. For example, “It seems like you’re really concerned about the budget, is that right?”
Bargain Hard
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Acknowledge the other person’s position: Show that you understand the other person’s position, even if you don’t agree with it. This can help build rapport and create a more collaborative negotiation.
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Use “I” statements: Instead of accusing the other person or making demands, use “I” statements to express your needs and wants. For example, “I need to stay within my budget for this project.”